Mr Kieran Murphy


Salutations! My name is Kieran and I’ve been ‘chairmaning’ MEARS since it moved into the asylum landlord business a couple of years ago now, following the slightly forced departure of my predecessor ‘Big’ Bob ‘No Nonsense’ Holt (sorry Bob!). Despite being relatively new to the game, I bring a wealth of experience and expertise (and expertise on wealth!). In particular, I have what I like to refer to as a ‘birds eye’ view of the industry, as I’m also chair of the Ordnance Survey (appointed by Sajid Javid no less!), where my aim is to (ominously) “build the capability to provide the next generation of geospatial data.” Luckily, all these maps come in really useful for dispersing people in the asylum system all over Britain with little to no notice, and in trying to source the cheapest, least hospitable accommodation to warehouse them in. My real life’s passion though has been in banking, including an initial stint at HM Treasury, before seeing through the 2008 financial crash at a range of parasitic investment banks and finance firms, then moving into directorships in plastic piping and insulation. Ironic really, considering the dire state of many of the flats we at MEARS put people in, where issues with plumbing, damp and cold are endemic. I keep myself too busy to worry about such trivialities though, playing an active role in the alumni network for St John’s College Cambridge (whose fellows are the only non-royals legally allowed to eat swans in Britain!) and the prestigious Latymer public school. I’m a keen punter and pianist, often cracking out a jolly rendition of ‘Greensleeves’ at the MEARS office party. As we esteemed ‘Johnians’ or Swannies say: souvent me sous vien! (‘I often pass beneath it’)


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making housing vile

💩 Asylum Landlords 2021



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