Mrs Priti Patel

Sit down. Shut up. Don’t you know who I am? I can’t believe you are making me waste my time with this stupid bloody biography thing, don’t you have people to do this? Ok, fine. My name is Priti and I’m the honorary president, employee of the year and real brains behind Asylum Landlords. I joined the Conservative party as a teenager and got my first real job as an intern at Conservative Central Office with Andrew Lansley, the guy from the Rap remember?! Perhaps it was here that I really honed my skills in how to bully and hate those around me, and everyone really (allegedly, ;D). I dabbled in doing PR for big tobacco and alcohol corporations (didn’t finish my LinkedIn though…), many of whom had a reputation even worse than the Tories, but I do love a challenge! My heart has always been in politics though (if anyone has found it?!), and I returned back to the Tory fold through the wonderful new seat of Witham, Essex in the mid 00s - created personally for me! I made a lot of friends in my subsequent rise through the ranks, particularly at Conservative Friends of Israel - with whom I’ve enjoyed a range of trips and holidays, though I tend to stop the photo slideshow just before I was found to have broken ministerial code through secret meetings with lobbyists in Israel. In my spare time, I like to do ‘strategic advice’ for multinationals, champion the death penalty, and oppose gay marriage, whilst really raising eyebrows (including my own!) with my expenses sheet - a gal has got to have interests! I’m committed to encouraging all my underlings (sorry, colleagues) at Asylum Landlords to make sure the housing they provide is as inhospitable as possible. My motto? The misery of today is the deterrent of tomorrow!


making housing vile

💩 Asylum Landlords 2021

If anyone is affected by these issues or would like to help those who are, please connect with the
Glasgow No Evictions Network